You see, I remained shocked when I saw the Newspaper adverts proclaiming this legends 50th. It cannot be possible, Ali has gone to increase his age because his wife now na Bank MD and maybe he is looking for political appointment in his Delta state of origin. Ali was a small boy in our secondary school with K legs. He was very quiet and could barely speak English when he came into the school. 

As his confidence grew he became quite rascally as the small girls that sold groundnuts and petty things within the school became his targets. Ali was a very humble junior student, who did all his best to avoid doing his homework and manual labour and this always put him in trouble with the authority. Forget what you will hear, or what he will tell his wife, this is his official biography from those who knew him from when he had only one short and one T shirt. 

After school, I lost touch with him until he surfaced again at Muyiwa Majekodunmis club Jazzville in yaba. He could not afford the gate fee at that time, so he bartered with his talent. He was allowed in for free and in exchange, he performed for free. This was what made the legend we see today. While we were lounging at the VIP section, you know I had small money then, Ali was entertaining us and after his very powerful performance, I will send a bottle of coke his way and he will come and say thank you. Today, na Ali dey VIP, na me dey beg to see am. You see life. 

Ali is married to my sister Mary. Mary is everything you have heard about a Calabar woman and more. Me I am closer to her than I am to Ali, even though she has not taken my call since she became MD. But her sunshine and energy still echo around me and her success in banking remains a reference point for me as a struggle to climb. 

Well Ali refused to invite me for his 50th, despite the fact that I gave him his first opportunity to perform in Shomolu, he remains in my books as one of the greatest living Nigerians after Governor Aregbesola. Lest I forget, he graciously wrote the Forward to my book, Loud Whispers so for that, all is forgiven. But you for still invite me na. I wish you a happy Birthday and many more Afang Soup courtesy of your very beautiful wife, my sister in whom I am very pleased. God bless you bro.‎

Benue State House Of Commotion

Ok, I missed this fight and I am regretting. I love a fight. I watched the Rivers own where the majority leader was seen wielding the mace like the sword you see in children’s cartoons. He gave his opposing members a sound beating that blood was spewing everywhere. 

This was better than all those pre rehearsed wrestling shows Americans export to our country. You see why I hated missing that broadcast. Please is it possible they fight again, like next week Saturday when I will be at home and not be distracted by work. 
I don’t like watching repeated episodes, I will prefer a fresh second round. I am really begging, these Benue people, they must not resolve this matter, this fight must continue and the beatings must not stop. Rubbish.

Senator Ben Bruce

This first time Senator is so mesmerized with this his first victory at the polls that one would be forgiven if he thought that Mr. Bruce won the Presidency. The way he has been carrying on, his almost childlike excitement has moved from admiration to confusion. The Social media pictures on Arik, the statements on both serious and mundane issues and the purported attempt at donating his wardrobe allowance to Osun Workers all combine to give you the impression of a young child suddenly unleashed in a sweet shop. 

I listened intently to him on a radio programme this Sunday and it was all the same, ‘I am happy I am a Senator’. Well my Lord, calm down and settle down and face the work. The task is heavy, it’s beyond flying Arik, it’s beyond proclaiming your exploits with Silverbird, it’s the pushing of meaningful and fundamental bills that will attempt at solving some of our major problems. This is not a tea party, Abeg leave social media and start work.
Sai Baba, Where Are The Ministers 

Everybody has begged me not to write this article. From my mother, to my wife. Infact my wife said I should first give her six months chop money before I write the article. To show her resolve, she seized my iPad and locked it up until she got the alert. 
When I mentioned it to my Pastor, he said I should not try it that he did not want to loose focus on his prayer points and start praying for my release from the gulag instead. But why is everybody around me afraid, me I am not afraid of Sai Buhari, after all I am a potential son in law and to further boost my immunity, I have already purchased five cows to use as a peace offering should incase I get into trouble.

So here goes, sir where are the Ministers? Where is the cabinet? I know with the power configurations within APC and Asiwaju’s wounded ego this would be a Herculean task and this is why you should have made these appointments much earlier. 

The election was won quite early and since my other Egbon capitulated with no court cases bothering you, you had ample time to screen and select your Ministers especially with the very clear vision with which you rode to power. 

This is beginning to look like another Baba go slow kind of show. Let’s see some action and less of the symbolic populist moves like slashing salaries, cutting aides, reducing number of journalists on your entourage and give us action.

I have my own nominees and my advise is for you to reach across your divided party and extend the hand of fellowship to PDP so that you can build consensus easily. People like Kashamu, Alamasiagha, Patience Goodluck Jonathan still have a lot to offer this country if given the platform.‎

Kenny Ogungbe of Alagbado
This is my Egbon, the great Kenny Ogungbe. The man who single handedly redefined music. The Otunba Are of Nigerian Music, the one who refused to die, the Anikulapo of Alagbado and the piller of the industry. As I know wan leave my book on book store gathering dust, I have been calling my friends begging them to buy the book so that I can pay off GTB before they take me to EFCC. 

This morning, I placed a call to the Lord of Ajao Estate, the Baba of Hip Hop and the Lion of Onireke, asking him to buy since I devoted a whole chapter to him. My king took the call, hailed me back and immediately asked how much the Book was. I said it was just 3,500, he whistled and ask if could pay 1,000 and that if I agreed, he will by 3. 
Haaaaaa!!!!!! I screamed, he said I should answer him quick jo that he had to go on air, that I should just agree so he can write his post dated cheque for 3,000. He wanted to know when I I’ll send the Book to Alagabo, so he wanted to sight the Book first to make sure I really mentioned him and if he did not see his name, he will pay 800. 
Wetin I go do na. This na my baba, so I am waiting for his post dated cheque for the book.

Meanwhile, he has just revealed to me that his artiste Joel, the one that sounds and looks like Tuface the Legend has just dropped a Bomb. No be Boko haram kind o. He says the song will destroy all boundaries and throw us into a frenzy of worship. I await the link. Me, I must hear this song o. When I listen finish you will all get my reviews. Baba oooooooooooooo, I’m still on the floor in continued subjugation to your mighty power.


Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He writes usually on trending topics from a satirical point of view. He blogs