As I watch my former friend Bruce Jenner morph into a very beautiful mature sexy woman, I begin to ask myself questions. These questions bother on why I should not do the same thing and transform into Ekaette, oluwayemisi Edgar. You see, these thoughts have been swirling in my head with all the media attention and money my friend Bruce or sorry Caitylyn has been making since she cut off her penis and introduced breasts and make up into her life.
The only thing that has stopped me so far but not for long though is the sweetness of a curvy, chubby woman. Once I remember just how lovely it is as you descend into the core of womanhood, I will just back out from making that call. But why would I want to turn into a woman. Is life as a woman more interesting, I doubt.
What with all their wahala, expensive fake hair, monthly visitor, the fact that they itch for marriage and when they get married itch to get out. The fact that they remain subservient to their husbands and can’t even go and buy sweet without taking permission is really a big turn off. Although an attraction for me is the opportunity of having those organs like the breast and the you know what all to myself without having to beg, steal or borrow to enjoy it is a definite pull.
But how would I look like as a woman. I have looked at myself critically, I’m sure I would have to pay a premium to get the change because the Doctors would have to work double to ensure a successful sex change. They would have to work on my scattered teeth, straighten my Bowlegs, reduce my calves, take extra time to shave off my huge manhood, which I must say is really huge, bleach my skin, grow very very big breast for me and carve out a Kim Kardashian type ass for me. All these would cost quite a pile and take double the time it took them to transform Bruce to transform me to Ekaette.
Now what kind of men would I be attracted to. I would want to date men who are like me now.. Men, who are sophisticated and classy. Men who understand the rhythms of classical music and who know how to treat a lady. but what kind of men would I like to sleep with, I will like to sleep with men like Chinese men with little peckers so they won’t spoil the newly created vagina and as I get older and the vagina gets more relaxed and ready I will graduate from Chinese men and go for Yoruba men with a little bit bigger peckers than Chinese men but still small though and then end up with calabar men who not only have fantastic peckers but know how to use it. I will not go near the Hausa men whose peckers are legendary in their size lest my vagina ends up like a Boko Haram Bomb site.
As I think, I begin to imagine what could go wrong as a woman, I won’t know how to seat like a lady, I would give every body a free show as I would continue to seat like a man opening up my legs and showing my newly manufactured vagina for all to see. I will not know how to keep men guessing and making them work before getting access to my gloryhole. I will still have the manly strong urge for sex and would thereby turn into a nympho and increase the risk of catching Aids. I could be exposed to very wicked men, who will be mean to me and take advantage of my inexperience at being a woman and much more importantly I would really be ugly as a woman.
So all said, I think I will rest the idea of turning into Ekaette and remain the strong confident He goat that has continued to be a terror to all women from size 20 and above.
Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He comments on trending issues in Nigeria and around the globe from a satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng.blogspot.com