I think I have one of the greatest problems on earth, at least as far as marital issues are concerned. I got married to my best friend Muyiwa Phillips (real names witheld) 5 years ago. We had been friends right from our university days, he worked our NYSC posting to the same state, we served in the same company you can just imagine how close we were. He was everything i wanted in a man. Exactly nine months after our marriage i had a wonderful baby boy Olumurewa; a cabon copy of his father. Everything worked perfectly until one fateful night.
My flight from London was delayed for 3 hours. Sensing i was going to arrive late (at about 12am), my husband asked me to check into the nearest hotel. For someone who had been out of the country for 3 weeks, i couldn’t wait to squeeze my husband and child into my arms, so i begged Muyiwa to come pick me at the airport.
He sounded very tired but managed to get out of the house. On our way back, a drunk danfo driver rammed into us. Surprisingly enough I was okay but my husband was unconscious, a kindhearted man came to our rescue and rushed him to the hospital. Few days after, the doctor certified him paralyzed, “I’m afraid he may not be able to walk again”. I went numb. Just like that? Is that how paralysis happen? I couldn’t be pacified, if only i had listened to him.
That didn’t halt his job as such only that he went to work once a week. Luckily the physiotherpist we got afterwards said he could still work… but things were never the same again. Muyiwa started reading meanings to the simplest things.
One day, my car broke and i called the mechanic to take it away, a colleague of mine who was living in my estate offered to drop me at home. I entered the sitting room to meet my husband’s boiling face.
“And why the hell did he drop you off”. He gazed at me.
I swallowed hard and sighed. “Good day……..”
“There is nothing good about the day, answer my question you pretty slut”
I couldn’t believe my ears, ” Me, a slut? What Muyiwa? ……”
“How dare you raise your voice at me” he threw the remote control at me.
I ran off into the bedroom to weep. He begged me to forgive him afterwards but he never changed. He would get angry at inconsequencial issues and fall off his chair, at times he would throw his food across the wall. I could understand all this but Olumurewa our son was also at the receiving end. He started avoiding him at will.
Another issue left me speechless for days. He called me immediately the plumber who came to fix the spoilt tap left
” Who was that?”
I looked round,” You mean the plumber that left?”
“Yeah right, a plumber, dressed that way, in a decent shirt and chinos? A plumber indeed. And what took the two of you so long inside there together?”
I lost my patience “What exactly are you insinuating Muyiwa? A plumber? Muyiwa you have to stop all these things you’re doing and saying to me, you have to stop it. It is not just fair. You’re indirectly accusing me of sleeping with a plumber, am i that cheap? how could you be that callous? What have i done to deserve this? What?’ dont i have a right to a peaceful home”. I ran out of the house wailing like an hungry infant.
Each time I pack out of the house he would send people to me and would ask for forgiveness. I would wake him up in the middle of the night, kneel and beg him to give peace a chance, he never changed a bit. Infact, it got so worse that i had to start removing dangerous objects around him.
There was a particular day I almost lost my life. He had sent me to get a copy of his favourite newspaper. I came late and as i was about explaining why it took me so long, he threw a tea cup on my forehead. I passed out. I didn’t come round until four days later. And as usual, he was full of apologies.
I sat two of my friends down at work and discussed the issue with them, they proffered conflicting suggestions.
“I see no reason why your husband should treat you that way. It’s extremely wrong! it’s partly not your fault that he is that way, that was just destined to be so, my dear, if i were you, i would run for my dear life”. Mary fumed
“Run from where? My dear, i know you’re going through a lot of but you caused it, whether you agree or not. Because if you had agreed to check into an hotel that night all these wouldn’t have happened.. Stay with him. And if you leave that man, he’ll die of loneliness and never forgive you. Where do you want to go sef? Another man’s house? You dare not. You have a wonderful family and you should understand that he is frustrated. My advice is, don’t do or say what will annoy him, walk away rather than reply his insults”. Chidinma replied.
” A man has no right to subject his wife to that kind of suffering. Did you say frustrated? Is that why he should maltreat his wife? Chidinma are you being fair at all?” Mary attacked.
“Why am i not being fair?” Mary defended. “Look my dear, once you can study his mood and know the exact words to say, even if he insults your parents, say yes just to avoid trouble. This is just a phase, it will pass. Stay with your family and it shall be well.”
I looked at both ladies. They have their points but ………what exactly do i do?
This is a true life story! I’ve decided to throw this open, cos she needs your piece of advice! What should she do?
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